The Whole Parent: Embracing Hobbies

I remember a lot of my childhood. Choir practices with Ma, watching Flyers games with dad, history documentaries on holidays, singing in the kitchen while doing chores and baking. Doing handyman and wood work on the weekends.

SURPRISE– those things that I often did with my parents, and watched my parents do, I now do them and love them. Sure, I have plenty of my OWN things- my mom taught me how to crochet but embroidery is all me. My parents gave me the gift of HOBBIES. I know that sounds really silly, but it’s true. They also showed me that they were real humans outside of being my parents. My dad was a firefighter for much of my childhood. My mom was the hospitality coordinator at our church. They had lives outside of their work and the home.

If you follow me on social media, or have even been around here for a while, you know that I am all over the place with that stuff. After having Athena in 2017, it was very easy to cave in. My whole world revolved around her. Don’t get me wrong, when you have a newborn, there are big parts where that is necessary. But I quickly realized that for my own sanity I needed SOMETHING. That’s when I started getting involved in anti-human trafficking here in Pennsylvania, in earnest. I had this whole entire part of my brain that NEEDED to be used.

When we started attending Victory in 2021, and Nora was about 8 months old, I took the leap to join worship teams. I hadn’t been on a worship team since high school. I hadn’t really even sang since my Sophomore year of college. Eleanor was at a point where I COULD leave her for practice on Wednesdays, and nurse her before I left on Sunday, between services, and then again when I got home, and did ok. It was nerve wracking. It’d still rather sing behind the curtain. But singing on worship teams filled in nooks and crannies in my heart that I didn’t even realize had been void, that weren’t getting filled up with crafting or even teaching again.

Ethan has been going to trivia nights on Thursday with a bunch of guys. He recently made the comment that he was going to skip, “to be a good parent.” I made him look me in the eyes and turn his ears on like I do with the girls and said this,

Showing our children that you have hobbies and friends outside of the home IS being a good parent.

I feel like I have great authority on this as that’s been my exact experience in my own life. Now don’t misunderstand me- my husband is not out 3 days a week with this hobby. Nor is he spending ridiculous amounts of money every week. I am not at worship practice EVERY week even. There is a balance here. And as our children get older and seasons change, so will our levels of external commitment, and that’s ok. Some weeks, we aren’t making it for one reason or another, and that’s ok too. Here is another nugget of parent-hobby wisdom.

Yes, our children will one day grow up, and leave the house and it’s important for us to have a strong relationship. However, I can not be your only hobby when that day comes.

I love my husband. More than loving him, I actually LIKE him. But good Lord, I can’t be the only hobby he has in 15 years. Especially because I fully plan on being like my awesome neighbor in gardening club, and quilting club, and all the other fun things being an empty nester will bring.

At the end of the day, YOU need to have things that fill your soul. One of the coolest parts about this is that you get to share those things with your children. I can’t tell you how many times Athena has stopped a stranger to tell them she likes their Flyers shirt. It SHOCKS the grown men, and they love it every time. They love to sing and dance in the kitchen with me as I’m working, whether they’re helping or not. Athena has been trying to learn how to crochet for over a year, and she even knows how to sew a button. They both join me in the garden as often as they can. They’ve built butterfly boxes and are always ready to jump in and tinker with my dad.

So this is my PSA and encouragement to you as a parent, no matter what season of parenting you’re in:
Just like you are raising a whole child, YOU are still a WHOLE adult.
It’s ok to have hobbies & things you enjoy.
It’s ok to do those things without your kids sometimes.
It’s awesome when you do get the chance to include them!
In the long term, your children will thank you for exposing them to those hobbies and things you love, and hopefully share them with you one day too.

And shout out to my parents for literally giving
me the most wildly eclectic taste in music possible.